"I'd climb every mountain and swim every ocean just to be with you, and fix what I've broken. 'Cause I need you to see that you are the reason."
6/21/2023:
I bet he is confused about what to say or do right now. I could tell him what I long for and what I need to hear, but I know we will both be happier if I leave him to his own devices for a little while. I miss him. Clearly, he misses me, too.
I wonder if he ever checks to see if I am online while he is online? I do. I love seeing that green dot, knowing we are both alive and have a few moments to spare at the same time.
Stay well, my love. We will reconnect soon.
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Memories from 04/2019:
Last night, I fell asleep reading our old conversations.
I read them when I miss him.
I read the messages from when we reconnected right after he came back from basic training for the National Guard. His happiness and optimism fill the room around me. Palpable. I smile. He is here and full of joy.
He shared with me his dreams and future plans. He wanted to rent an apartment in town or build his own home on his family's land like he always talked about doing. He finally felt like he could be his own man, the better man he wanted to be. Even now, I'm happy for him as I remember reading the messages last night.
Without directly saying so, I knew what he meant in sharing his successes, "I am finally ready to become a better man. The man I wanted to be for myself and for you."
But, for us, it changed nothing. I had just announced my engagement to someone else.
He didn't ask me about it. He didn't tell me to leave my fiancé. He simply congratulated me on my engagement. Then, he shared his dreams, and I shared mine.
He said he would come to visit me soon. And, he did. He always does what he says he will do.
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6/21/2023
More than four years later, I wish I could sleep beside him rather than a cold, metallic phone, containing his old messages.
Post Playlist:
"You are the Reason" Calum Scott & Leona Lewis
"Honest" Reed Salmon
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