Mon. 6/19/2023
We argued. Well, I gave him a piece of my mind.
Lately, he wants photographs of me and has mildly risque requests. I want to oblige him, but we cannot yet explore this new territory together. We can't, and we shouldn't.
Him: 👀
Me: Looking for the woman of your dreams?
Him: 😂😂 Possibly.
Him: You going to let me see a selfie today?
Me: Hmmm, I'll think about it.
Him: Gotta think about it, huh?
Me: Ah, I've been thinking you need an intervention. Getting addicted to my photos?
Him: I might be 😖😖😖
Him: 👀
Me: If you learn how to pull your head out of your ass and have real conversations with me again, then let me know, handsome. 😘👋
Him: So, flirting with asking me if I am addicted to your pics, then telling me off, huh? 😜
Me: I just did 💅
After that, we didn't text anymore today. However, he has liked all of my social media posts.
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Wed. 6/21/2023
Me: *shares screenshot of fun banter among my board game group's conversation*
Me: I bet my board gaming friends are cooler than yours 😎
Him: Probably are 😜
Me: 👑
Him: You stopping by to brag? 😜😁
Me: Of course! 😂
Him: 😏
Me: Why are you looking smug if my friends are cooler?
Him: Hmm tis a mystery 😘😜
Me: I'd put my deerstalker and trench coat on, but I think it's more of a romance than a mystery 😘
Him: Maybe, maybe not 😜
Me: Oh, whatever. You and your maybes when you've shown all your cards already 😂😂😂
Him: Oh, did I show all my cards?
Me: Enough that I can count cards
Him: You seem confident about that 😜
Me: Maybe I am 😎
Him: Is that why you text after telling me to get my head out of my ass? 😜
Me: Is what the reason?
Him: The confidence 😆
Me: Well, yeah. I like you and wanted you to know I'm not still mad at you. But, I did mean what I said.
Him: So, why were you mad in the first place?
Me: It wasn't clear?
Him: Well, you asked in a flirty way if I was getting addicted to your pics, and I replied maybe in a flirty way, then immediately after I'm being told to remove body parts lol
Him: Now, what did I do wrong?
Me: You're not wrong or doing anything that I don't want. I got angry because you're scaring me.
Him: I need more explanation than that. What am I doing t scare you?
Me: It feels like you are really focused on sex and my body. Conversation has been going that way. Although I want you, I cannot do much about that right now 1.) I'm not divorced yet and 2.) even if I were free to explore this, I want to take my time because 3.) I'm not emotionally ready.
Him: Understandable. It's true about the conversations. That said, if you feel this way and you're scared, then why do you text me back sexually?
Me: Because I do want you, and I want to communicate with you in general, too.
Him: So, do you want to continue the sexual conversations?
Me: I don't want to talk about sex right now. In the future, if we agree on it, then that would be great.
Him: Ok. That's perfectly fine with me, but, along with that, I believe we should stop all forms of flirting, as well. Because flirting leads to those sexual conversations now. One of us will initiate it, you know it's true. And, I know myself well enough to know I'll escalate it.
Me: Why?
Him: Flirting is like a tease with no result at the end because you're still married. It's like getting horny and having no release for me. There's still no guarantee something will happen in the future. From my standpoint, what if your husband fixes his issues, and you don't want to divorce him anymore? What if one of us meets someone before your divorce finalizes? What if it takes a lot longer, and he contests the divorce?
Me: I no longer want to work on things with my husband, regardless of what he might do that's good. I have spent years letting him show me who he is. Also, I don't want anyone else but you right now, and I am not planning on looking or anyone else if I can be with you. If not, then I will. I'm perfectly capable.
Him: I get that. I do. But, remember that conversation on the phone we had last time. I talked about not wanting to build a scenario up in our heads without knowing what the future holds.
Me: So, no flirting and certainly nothing escalated above that.
Him: Don't get me wrong. I want to do dirty things with you.
Me: Stop.
Him: Oh, I'm not flirting. I'm letting you know it's not that I don't want you.
Me: The last thing I want to hear right now is that you want to do dirty things to me.
Him: I understand.
Me: You know I love you, right? This isn't about sex for me. That's something that comes later.
Him: I get that. I really do. Until it gets to the point where we can eve try for a relationship there's no reason to torture ourselves with something not guaranteed. So, until it gets to that point, I don't think we should treat each other as if we're already in one. I promise I'm not trying to hurt you. I only want to do what's best for our unique situation.
Me: Okay, thanks for doing what you think is best.
Him: Thank you for understanding
Me: I don't like it.
Him: I know
Me: Do you think I just want to have both you and my husband?
Him: I have never thought you wanted both of us.
Me: Do you trust me?
Him: Yes, you've never given me a reason not to.
Me: Do you not want to talk to me at all until my divorce is done?
Him: We can still talk as friends.
Me: I don't get this. I told you before that we should focus on our friendship. You said you'd be my friend for me, but that you'd always flirt with me and want more than friendship. Why, when I'm at my most vulnerable, is it like this? Why can't you not escalate things to sexual now? What's so different than the last ten years? I'm the same person I've always been. Aren't you?
Him: Our flirting over the last few years has been simple compliments, which is fine.
Me: And, talking about our feelings and our past.
Him: I'm not really the same person, not completely. You're right. We've talked about our past.
Me: Do you love me?
Him: Honestly, I don't know. That's not something I can know until we date and see how it develops. I care about you, of course. But, I've been hurt in the past. That's not something I can easily know. And, if that hurts you, then I sincerely apologize, but I'm not gonna lie to you.
Me: No, I can live with that. I appreciate that honest answer.
Him: It's not a word I use lightly. I'm not going to be a terrible person and lie about it.
Me: Good.
Me: Anyway, I will still tell you if I decide I want to see someone else. I'll keep my word on that like we previously agreed. I know in the past, we would go on a date or whatever all that was, you'd do or say something I didn't like, then I'd get a whole ass boyfriend, and let you find out via social media. Now, I want the same from you. I want you to tell me. We've been way too open about our feelings and our past for anything less than that to be fair, reasonable, or kind.
Him: Of course, I'll keep you updated if anything happens.
Me: Okay, I'm not angry or sad or upset anymore. Thanks for the clarity.
Him: You're welcome.
Me: Okay, I'm drained. Have a good evening. 😂
Him: 😂😂😂 Same. You have a good evening, too.
----
Sun. 07/02/2023
Him: Well, happy birthday, you.
Me: Thanks!
Him: Did you change your hair?
Me: No, I straightened it, today.
Him: Ah, OK, it looked darker on Facebook.
Me: Oh, well, it's growing out. I need to go to the salon.
Him: Gonna keep the same color?
Me: For now. I might change it later.
Him: Go random and make it purple.
Me: STRONGLY considering it.
Him: Go for it!
Him: I've been considering getting my ears pierced.
Me: Oh? Tell me more.
Him: Just considering. Always liked the small gauges.
Me: Those seem your style. 😁
Him: Oh yeah, you think?
Me: Oh yeah 😎
Him: I've always wanted to get them
Me: Go for it, then!
Me: I want that tattoo I mentioned
Him: I'm forgetful. Which one?
Me: Sailor Moon's star locket
Him: Ohhh, very nice
Him: You should get the tattoo
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Tues. 07/04/2023
Me: *sends selfie*
Me: Happy 4th!
Him: Happy 4th! Looking beautiful
Me: Thanks!
Him: You're very welcome
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Mon. 07/17/2023
Him: 👀
Me: Sup? 😄
Him: Not much, working. What about you?
Me: *proceeds to tell him about work drama*
Him: Make them fear you
Me: 😂😂😂 Okay, Machiavelli
Him: Hey, he had some good points. 😂😂😛
Me: Sure. Genghis Khan did it better. No good points. Ruthless slaughter, then use the bodies as biological warfare.
Him: And had enough children that almost everyone today has a small percentage of his DNA
Me: So accomplished
Him: He took, "Spread thy seed" too literally 😂
Me: If women throw themselves from the rooftops to avoid you, then you MIGHT be coming on too strong.
Him: This is very true.
Me: Well, I've learned a thing or two in my life.
Him: Oh yeah?
Me: Whatever you do, don't shake a bottle of kombucha.
Him: What happens? 👀
Me: Kaboom. Everywhere.
Him: Really? Just explodes?
Me: You gotta untwist the lid. Gave me a heart attack.
Him: 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Him: Why were you shaking it to begin with?
Me: I was tired. I thought you needed to do so before drinking it.
Me: IN FACT, the label tells you not to.
Him: 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Him: You woke up quick, huh?
Me: So quick. I FELL. Then, scrambled to clean it up.
Him: 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Him: You went weeee!
Me: There was no kombucha left for me 😢😢
Him: I'm sorry lol
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Him: *sends video "This is why you don't ditch your girl in a haunted house"* https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8x_Hd1ZjOus
Me: 100% true! Anger > Fear
Him: Even the monster was like this mofo 😂😂😂
Him: How you been?
Me: Love it!
Me: I was eh. I'm good now. You?
Him: Why was you eh?
Him: I'm good, just spending money the last couple weeks haha
Me: I don't wanna go into it. Death in the family. 2023 seems to surround me with death and failure.
Him: Oh, I gotcha. I'm sorry
Me: I'm better. Some family members reconnected with each other
Him: Oh, well, that's good at least!
Me: I guess good things can come from darkness
Him: Just gotta look for the light
Him: What else you been up to?
Me: Hanging out with my friends a lot 😁
Him: Awesome! Did you enjoy the Barbie movie?
* I had posted about it a week or so ago on Facebook*
Me: I started seeing a therapist
Me: I loved the Barbie movie!
Him: Feeling better after seeing your therapist?
Me: A lot better *blathers on about what I like about my therapist*
Him: Hell yeah!
Him: How are things with your husband?
*Shares a lot of information*
Me: I don't want the conversation in September or October to come as a surprise.
Him: You mean the start of the divorce process?
Me: Yes, that's what I mean. I also had a difficult conversation with my husband.
Him: Oh yeah? How'd it go?
Me: Well, do you know what it feels like to look at something after great hesitation? Then, you finally look at it, and you see exactly what you thought you'd see and feel like an idiot for not facing things earlier? The conversation was painful, disappointing, and clarifying.
Him: Basically, he sees nothing wrong and he doesn't want to change.
Me: Absolutely!
Me: *Shares a lot of information*
Him: *Makes an astute observation that indicates he understands what's wrong and why I am upset and where the disconnect with my husband is*
Me: Well, thanks for checking on me
Him: You're welcome
Me: So, what have you been shopping for?
Him: *Sends photo of a greenish tan chest plate for body armor*
Me: The shape makes me think of TMNT
Him: 😂😂😂😂
Me: Grab a box of pizza and cosplay as one of the turtles. Michelangelo gets my vote.
Him: Leonardo
Me: You just wanna be the leader! 😝
Me: Michelangelo is the coolest
Him: He might be the coolest, but I'm taking swords over num-chuks any day
Me: fair
Him: Look up why Splinter gave them their weapons
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Mon. 8/7/2023
Him: *Sends meme about birth control*
---
Tues. 8/8/2023
Him: *Sends meme with perverted humor*
Me: *Sends meme about workplace*
---
Sat. 8/12/2023
Me: You!
Him: Yes?
Me: Guess what I'm doing?!
Him: Mmm, slashing a stupid coworker's tires?
Me: 😂😂😂 Nope!
Him: Deep sea diving?
Me: Warmer
Him: I need a hint, here
Me: Water is involved
Him: Water boarding someone
Me: 😂😂😂 Good guess, but still no.
Him: Last guess: riding a sailboat
*thirty minutes later*
Him: 👀
* 2 hours later*
Him: So, I don't find out? 😜
Me: *Sends picture of inner tubes*
Him: Very nice!!! Have fun?
Me: So much!
Him: No selfies today?
Me: Is that a request?
Him: Yes
Me: *Sends a group pic*
Me: Here's the closest I've got from today
Him: Hell yeah! Looks like you all had a lot of fun
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Sat. 8/19/2023
Him: *Sends meme about chicken nuggets in a bra*
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Wed. 8/23/2023
Him: *Sends meme about furries*
Me: Feel free to send meme, BUT please stop sending me ones that are only about sex or clearly sex-related things
Him: Oh, I didn't realize. I just thought those were funny.
Me: Well, it has been bothering me, so I'm glad I said something.
---
Sat. 8/26/2023
Me: *Sends meme about tormenting ancient peoples with modern technology*
Him: 😂😂😂😂 That would be hilarious!
Me: Time travel would be so fun now that aliens are "confirmed"
Him: 😂😂😂😂
---
Sun. 8/27/2023
Him: *Sends meme about DND*
Me: Too funny!
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Tues. 8/29/2023
Me: *Sends meme about DND*
Him: 😂😂😂😂
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